Learning to Communicate with the world we do not understand

Mahendra Bhandari – www.drmbhandari.com

A few weeks ago, one of my favorite uncles passed away. For the past 5 decades, we had been very close. Due to our wonderful relationship, I have witnessed both his highs and lows in his life. Now, I fondly remember him, because he is no more. My memories of our times together continue to bring me great joy. I remember how he never missed an occasion where- when given the chance, he would loudly and publicly announce my achievements, at times completely embarrassing me. Thanks to these occasional outbursts of his, I know in my heart that he was truly proud of me.

During his life, I recall two phases of his different mental states. The first one was when he had completely isolated himself from the rest of the world and would refuse to talk or meet with anyone. This self-imposed seclusion was painful for every one of us who loved him. Our family did everything possible to rehabilitate him but were unable to succeed in doing so.

After a few years, this phase of deep depression was followed by another phase: He would become hyper-talkative, appearing to remain on the top of the world. He loved eating, talking, visiting places with a walking all the times with a camera around his neck photographing groups and individuals. He involved himself in public discourse, but in this condition, he demanded full attention, again causing the family difficulty in managing him. These extremes were terribly difficult to witness as my dear Uncle experienced episodes he had little or no control over.

Isn’t it funny, when he was quiet-we had problem with him- and when he started talking- we still had problem with him, but for different reasons. We did not approve of either of his behaviors only because he did not fit in our own self-created “Norm.” Regrettably, it has become too late for me! I now realize that we failed to understand “his normal,” because we were ignorant of the language he could have understood- the all-encompassing language of LOVE. We were too busy asking him to do what we wanted him to do- instead of understanding him- and accepting him as he was. All that was needed was to extend our love for him beyond the third dimension.

Persons like my Uncle, suffering from indifferent mental states can only be reached by love, compassion and non-verbal communication. The powerful emotion of love is universal and is very well understood by all living beings on the planet- human or animal. Intrinsic love finds its own natural form of expression through body gestures, well experienced at the other end. While dealing with unconscious patients or a person in indifferent mental states- as my uncle was- one can communicate through the vehicle of love, but it needs to be experienced emotively, rather than expressed verbally.

My challenge to you, dear friends, is to learn to creat intrinsic love for the living beings we come in contact everyday. The world will be a far better place if you can. I hope you understand the, LOVE I mean.

‘The LOVE of dispossession, the love of unconditional giving and the love of accepting persons as they are.”